Change of Perception

I would like to change my thinking from: "If only . . . then I will be happy, and if I can get happy again and hang onto it, then I will be happy. Now all I have to do is learn how to keep this feeling of happy"

Maybe happiness is like a butterfly, delicate, fragile. If you keep it in a jar, it will die from starvation, suffocation, and of a broken spirit. If you let it go, it will fly away, freedom is worth living for. Butterflies don't live long, but their lives are beautiful, they are free spirits, full of grace.

The jar is the perception that happiness is a thing to get, have, and keep.

Today I had a change of perception about a situation that has been miserable for months. I created this reality and I realize now, with the help of friends, that it never was about me. It seems so obvious now, but for MONTHS I allowed my every day to be coloured a dark shade of ugly. I just wanted it to go away so I could be happy. I think this realization has helped me to start better understanding what was meant by saying: "Happiness is a journey, not a destination"

I want to set a goal, to practice thinking more along these lines:

My destination is self, happiness is what can be found along the way. I want to know and understand myself. Where did these habits come from, the ones I consider bad? What do they mean to me? I want to take Sallie's words to heart and learn to love my shadows instead of trying to change them. What discourages me? What hurts me? Does the critic ever start speaking quietly? And if she does, can I tell her to pipe down before she takes charge?

I feel like I am repeating myself, but I feel better this evening I hope that documenting more of my thoughts and feelings, rather than the events that create them will help me recognize some of my pitfalls. I'm not going to tell myself, or you that this revelation is going to be the solution . . . that I believe I have found the secret to creating a happy life, but I will say that I think this is going to be a corner piece on the border of this puzzle. The life and happiness enigma.

. . . and we're talkin' one of those 500,000,000 piece puzzles that sit on the coffee table for infinite amounts of time before they finally come together.