The Purpose

I often stop to look over any 'quotablemugs' I encounter while out and about. You know the ones . . . with the great little boxes that match the mug inside, mugs with great little quotes of things that were said mostly by famous people. There is a coffee mug on my desk at work. I remember purchasing this mug several months ago because the quote struck a deep chord for me. Maybe this coffee mug is responsible in some way for me starting this blog. The title "Happiness is a Journey" certainly came straight out of the box and I like to believe that everything is interconnected.

At Burning Man this last year I had a great conversation with my friend Sallie about how people have a tendency to filter themselves and we would like to live the unfiltered life. I have tried to keep that in mind as I go on with my daily life. Post-Burning Man is a very hard time of year. Most of the momentum is gone because we're all so tired of putting so much work into Burning Man that we just want to do nothing . . . But I'm in school and working full time for a company that is undergoing a great deal of positive, necessary, but difficult and urgent changes. So when Sallie asked me tonight at Ignite Salt Lake how I've been . . . the truth is, I've been tired, stressed, and burned out in general, but what's more important is ME. Not my job. Not my education. Not my not creating anything recently, Not my desire to see my friends more regularly. ME. My answer surprised me a little.

I'm vulnerable.


And I've got these voices ringing in my head saying things like:

"Write what disturbs you, what you fear, what you have not been willing to speak about. Be willing to be split open." - Natalie Goldberg

and

"There is nothing to writing. All you do is sit down at a typewriter and bleed." - Ernest Hemingway


I am a woman who believes in signs . . . and if this doesn't add up to a great big message in my life . . . there isn't going to be any more messages.

The word 'vulnerability' rolls through my mind in slow motion like an antique vase falling off it's pedestal and hitting the ground just outside the grasp of the klutz who bumped into it.

My purposes and goals for this blog are to learn more about myself with each entry, to become a better writer, and to document my struggle with the journey to happiness. To allow myself to be raw, vulnerable, and complex. Maybe this blog will be a new item in my tool box, an item that will help me break my own cycle of depression.

There are more influences in the decision to come clean about it than just Goldberg and Hemingway. Heather Armstrong of Dooce.com has been very open about her body, emotions, life, and family and in doing so helped a lot of people reconcile their own feelings. She has made me feel good about being painfully honest about myself. So here goes . . . documentation of my journey, my struggles, my feelings, my wants and desires, and my needs. Here's to the good times and the bad ones.



The coffee mug on my desk at work, with all the pens in it says:

"for a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. at last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. this perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. happiness is the way. so treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. happiness is a journey, not a destination." - Souza

I look for answers in everything. Maybe this coffee mug is responsible in some way for me wanting to take this path. Maybe not. But I would be lying if I didn't admit that I like the box the mug came in better than the mug. Here it is on the book shelf under my window sill.

http://quotablecards.com/main.html